Gravity
by kat5552
Summary: Erza and Jellal have always seemed to dance around their feelings for one another...what happens when that's no longer enough?


Gravity

She sat at the little bakery located a few miles from her home, staring wistfully out of the window. She was breathtakingly beautiful and he wished he could be a fly on the wall of her mind to just get a glimpse into how her mind worked and what she was thinking about. She was concentrating so hard that she didn't even notice him sit down across from her at first.

"Erza," he spoke her name softly, watching her startle and turn towards him, her ruby hair falling over her shoulder as she looked at him.

"Jellal," she said, clearly surprised. "I didn't realize you were going to be in town."

"I didn't either," he admitted with a rueful smile, "But it never seems to take me long to make my way back to you."

Erza sat quietly at that, just staring into his eyes, drinking in the sight of him like he was water and she were dying of thirst. Yes…something always seemed to bring them back to one another. No matter what they said or what they did, they always came back…it was like they each had their own specific gravitational pull for one another.

"Doesn't it hurt?" she whispered as she broke eye contact with him to stare down at the table, her hands clenching into fists on her lap. She didn't want to see his reaction but she heard his sharp intake of breath and it made her want to shrink into herself and take it back.

"…yes it does, sometimes," Jellal confessed slowly. "I can't seem to…make myself stay gone though."

"I just want you to see how much you mean to me!" Erza said with passion, suddenly looking up and grasping his hands in hers in the same motion. "I can't let you go. I can't do it. I've tried, over and over again, to give you what I thought you needed, but I can't anymore. I can't do it, Jellal. I thought I was strong, but you prove me wrong at every turn. My strength is fragile and as soon as you come near…it's gone. I keep falling into your gravity, but you always push me away. I can't keep doing it."

"Erza, I…" he tried to interrupt, but she was on a roll.

"I live here on my knees, trying to make you see that you're everything I need, everything I want. But you always, always leave. Please just…just stay. You say something always brings you back to me…why don't you just, for once, let it _keep_ you with me?" Erza said, her eyes and voice pleading.

Jellal would be the first man to admit he had done horrible things, things that he was amazed anyone could ever forgive him for, and that he had to atone…but when she looked at him like that, when she spoke to him like that…it was hard to remember that truth. He wasn't good enough for her and if he had any semblance of decency, he would set her free, tell her they could never be, and never return.

"Erza," Jellal started, haltingly, as she looked at him with tears threatening to make an appearance, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm so selfish…"

"You're leaving again," Erza said, her voice lifeless. She released his hands and leaned back in her seat, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes.

"You don't understand! I have to repent, I have to atone!" Jellal said with an almost feverish intensity.

"And how long will you be repenting, Jellal? How long will you be atoning? When have you made up for your crimes in your own eyes?" Erza demanded, a few tears falling from her eyes even as she swiped furiously at them to keep them from falling. "No one else still holds a grudge against you. Everyone believes you are a completely changed man, a better man, but you refuse to see it!"

"I don't refuse to see…" Jellal tried to defend himself but Erza interrupted him.

"Yes you do! _Yes you do_. You have risked your life for the lives of my friends, for my life, for strangers on the street, countless times. You work tirelessly to make the world a better place. You _are_ a better person. You _are_ a better man. Why can't you see it, too? What is it that keeps you on this path? It can't be that you're not done atoning because you've been pardoned. Is it me? Do you really care for me so little?" her voice was hurt and pained by the end and it felt like he had been stabbed straight through the heart.

"Erza…how could you…why would you ever…do you truly doubt me so much?" he whispered, reaching out to her this time, his voice soft and hurt, too.

"What else am I supposed to think, Jellal?" she replied equally as soft. "You seem to leave at every turn. I try to get closer to you…and you shut me down. Don't you know? Don't you know you hold me without touch? You keep me without chains? You hold my heart in your hands and you always have and yet…" Erza didn't even know what she wanted to say, how she could possibly continue to speak. There was so much more she wanted, needed, to say to him, but the words just kept running together in her mind and prevented her from saying them. There was just so much she had to say that it choked her and she struggled to even breathe.

"Forgive me, Erza," Jellal said, his eyes fastened on hers. "Forgive me for my stupidity, and for my cowardice."

"Jellal you are not…"

"I am, though," he said, interrupting her this time. "I have known, for so long now, how you feel about me. And I feel so…honored by the fact someone as _good_ as you could possibly care about someone like me. And that truth drives me. It makes me desire to be even better. It keeps me going in my darkest hours when I'm not sure I even want to keep going…and yet…I ignore how you feel and I use my less than honorable past to keep up this wall between us, knowing that if I let you…if I gave you even half a chance…you would tear that wall down in a heartbeat and then I would be lost. I would be lost and I don't know who that man would be. I don't know who a Jellal that is just in love with you is. Is he a good man? A _worthy_ man if he isn't seeking to do good out in the world? I am such a coward and I don't know how to _not_ be one. I don't know how to be the man you need me to be and I'm afraid to try."

Erza sat in stunned silence for a moment. She had never, _never_ , thought of Jellal as a coward. How could he say such things about himself? With all of the good he had done, how could he still view himself in this way? How could he _not_ see how good he was, how worthy of love he was?

"I don't know how to be the woman you need me to be," Erza admitted. "I don't know how to be in a relationship or the right things to say to you about what you've just told me. I don't know how to do so many things…but I'm willing to try. I am willing to try, as long as you're beside me, trying right along with me."

Jellal sucked in a deep breath, seeming unsure still, and Erza was unsure, too. She didn't know what to expect, what to look forward to, what to worry about, if she should worry at all, how they would spend their days or their nights…she didn't know anything, but she was ready and willing to try.

"Please just…let's try. Be _with_ me, try _with_ me, learn _with_ me…and I know we can be great. We won't ever be perfect, because no one is, no relationship is, but…we could be great together," Erza spoke softly, afraid of his reaction, afraid to be rejected yet again, afraid to _try_ , but if they didn't try, they would never know. Slowly, she held her hand out to him, palm up, and begged in her heart that he would take it, that he would finally give them a chance.

"Erza…" Jellal said, his eyes locked on her hand. She shut her eyes and pressed her lips together, trying to hold back her sadness, because she just _knew_ he was going to reject her again. It felt like eternity, as her hand hung there between them, and she felt her heart breaking a little piece at a time as she started to pull her hand back.

"I might be a selfish bastard, and I might have done some really horrible things in my past," Jellal said again as his hand reached out to take hers and flip it so hers was on top, "But I can't stay away from you. I can't keep myself away and I'm done trying to. Erza…if you will let me…I want to try being _with_ you."

Her eyes snapped open as she heard his response and her heart fluttered with joy as she watched him place a gentle kiss across her knuckles.

"I'm ready to try," she replied, injecting her voice with strength.

"It won't be easy," Jellal warned as she nodded in agreement, "but I know…I know you are worth it."

Erza smiled as Jellal gently placed another kiss on her hand before pulling them both to their feet, her hand still grasped in his.

"Is this okay?" Jellal asked, unsure of himself, as they stood together.

Erza smiled again as she intertwined their fingers.

"I think it's a great start," she replied before laying her head on his shoulder and walking out with him.

She knew it wouldn't be easy. She knew they had a long way to go, but right now, her head on his shoulder and her hand in his, she knew it was the start of something…maybe something broken and imperfect, but something beautiful all the same.

 **Author's Note:** Well it has certainly been a while since I published anything, honestly it's been a long time since I even wrote anything. It's pretty time consuming, being a mom, a wife, and a teacher, but all of them are incredibly rewarding in different ways. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys this glimpse into the workings of Erza and Jellal's relationship, at least as I see it. I do not own these characters, just the idea behind this little story.


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